Comebacks/Insults...and then some other stuff

I dont know why I was even looking but I found some funny stuff...

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

comebacks for girls
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: What? And spoil my great sex life?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman:Why aren't you thin?

Man: Why aren't you married yet?
Woman: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.